EU Country Bans Celebrities From Running for President

The prime minister of Brokebackslavia, Sergei Can'tquitski gained unanimous parliamentary support passing a bill permanently banning celebrities and public figures from running for public office.

He feels this motion is long overdue but what spurred him to finally take action was when people seriously began discussing the idea of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson running for president of the United States of America in 2024. The idea or reality of Dwayne Johnson becoming president just horrified him.

According to prime minister Sergei Can'tquitski, it’s like, there are certain people or malign forces which are invested in turning the 2006 comedic film, “Idiocracy” into an actual self-fulfilling prophecy.

Having already had enough celebrities in public office and seen the magnificent job that they have done, enough is enough says Sergei. How many more cases can we tolerate? Whether it’s governor Arnold Schwarzenegger completely mismanaging the state of California because he was too busy banging his nanny.

Or US president Donal Trump on the spot improvising trying to guess the proper Coronavirus treatment in the middle of a press conference. 

Or Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy holding a Vogue photoshoot in the middle of a war while Russian troops are literally at the gates.

The logic for banning celebrities from running for public office is very simple to rationalise and understand according to Sergei. Imagine the life of a celebrity for a brief moment.

Everywhere they go, people love them, people want to take photos and selfies with them, people go out of their way to do favours for them to gain their affection, etc….

And then you take this person, who is accustomed to this lifestyle, and you put them in a position where they are constantly being shit on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Even acts of god are blamed on you, whether it’s tornados, tsunamis or wildfires. And on the off chance that you do, do something good, rather than the public being thankful towards you, every one shows condescending gratitude i.e. “Well, that’s what you’re supposed to do mother-fucker, that’s your job! What do you think, I get a standing ovation when I get something done at my job?”

So when you take an individual from one environment and you put them in another environment that is 180 degrees opposite to what they are accustomed to, we are supposed to be surprised they are not the best decision makers and fold under all of the pressure?

This should be the proper public reaction, every time some celebrity announces that they are running for public office, says Sergei. “I have looked into the legal code and legislature of dozens of democratic countries, and there is no rule or law banning retards from running for public office. By retard, I mean someone like Simple Jack retarded i.e. Datta Derrr …. retarded.”

Now let’s imagine for a moment that we had a retard who was politically savvy enough to get himself onto the ballot and actually make it towards the end of a political election for a mayoral, gubernatorial or presidential race where it’s either them or the second candidate.

Do you think this retard would actually have a chance? Or most likely everyone in the constituency would look at each-other and without saying one word, all of them would be thinking the same exact thing; i.e. “God bless this retard, but we can't put him into office! This guy is going to have to be making serious decisions, we can’t have a retard making serious decisions on our behalf!”

So just as we i.e. “The public,” have an unspoken consensus that we would never vote for a retard, we should have the same consensus and understanding when a celebrity announces that they are running for public office.