Pro Marijuana Activist Wants Weed to Be illegal Again

Humboldt County, California.  Pro Marijuana activist Willie Zig-Zag Papers has been lobbying city council for several months to reverse their policy on legalising pot sales.  Willie claims that legalising pot was the worst decision ever made for the pot movement.

If you asked Willie Papers the following question back in the early 2000s, “Hey, do you think weed should be legal?” He would have responded with a resounding, “Yes.”

Back then it seemed so obvious. Why is this harmless natural plant being so severely demonised and penalised? And if you get caught smoking a joint you have to pay a fine, do some kind of time and community service? Why is a grown adult being treated as a child? This charade was obviously ridiculous, of course weed should be legal, it seemed like a no-brainer back then.

And then it finally happened, weed became legal! Initially Willie celebrated with enthusiasm. The idea that you can go to a dispensary and calmly toke up without the paranoia of cops busting in the door, no different than going to a bar and having a beer, seemed like a dream come true. But as time went went on, Willie started to rethink whether this was a good idea after all. So he started to look back and analyse what we have lost vs. what we gained.

In the early 2000s i.e. the prohibition era, during Obama’s first term, whose policy on this issue was a continuation of the Bush era, weed was legal at the state level in states which voted on legalising it, but not at the federal level. What did that mean? That meant that if you operated a marijuana dispensary, 2 times a year, the ATF (Alcohol, tobacco and fire arms bureau) would arrive unexpectedly, confiscate all the cash and product, arrest no one, and threaten the land lords not to rent to dispensaries any more, which was an empty threat really, because again, on the state level, it was legal.

So competition was minimal because the threshold to entering the business was pretty high, i.e. that twice a year, the government would step in with no warning and take all of your money and inventory. Few entrepreneurs would take on such a risk.

And then Obama, in his second term, since he isn’t worried about reelection, says, “Screw it!” If it’s legal at the state level, then the federal government won’t get involved any more.

And what happened next? These dispensaries started popping up on every corner like they’re Starbucks. And to the old school prohibition era guys who came from legitimate farming backgrounds, they did the math, and realised it was more profitable to going back to growing and selling avocados instead of this weed nonsense. Basically, Obama “Took our jobs!”

Now, what if you were underage and couldn’t access a dispensary since you weren’t 18 years of age? Not a problem, in those days everyone knew someone who had the hookup on chronic. It was easier to get a stranger to point you in the direction of a weed dealer than the location of the city library.

Back in those days buying weed and going to a professional dealer, used to be an experience, absolutely no different than going out to a restaurant or the movies.

You would call ahead of time, schedule an appointment and most importantly, show up on time! Otherwise it’s very rude to those who have scheduled an appointment after yours. The dealer would bring out various containers with different types of weed and the Tupperware party would begin, where you’re presented with different types of weed to taste each one and make a decision on the desired product.

You of course would taste each kind, and by the time you taste the final product variation, you’re so high you don’t even care what kind of weed you end up with.

And every professional dope man, of course, had a DVD collection. He would pop in some stupid comedy; both of you are giggling like little girls. Then one would look at the other person and say, “Man I got the munchies, let’s order a pizza and a few beers.” Before you know it, five hours fly by and you leave the place going “Man, that was an experience! Can’t wait to do it again next week when I get my pay-check.”

Now we have this new corporate bull-shit, legal dispensaries which have taken out all the fun of buying drugs.

Customer: “Hey listen, I don’t get paid till Friday, can you front me a sack and I’ll give you an extra 20 when I get paid?”

Cashier: “A sack? Sir, this is a marijuana dispensary, I think you are at the wrong establishment, we don’t have sacks here, you must be looking for The Home Depot. And what is fronting anyways?”

Customer: “This bitch.”

Marijuana dispensaries have taken out all the fun of buying drugs!  This is why I am campaigning to make marijuana illegal again, says Willie Zig-zag Papers.