The Relationship Expert Saving Men From 6 Month One Night Stands

Of the many typical moments that happen during the course of a relationship that every couple experiences, the moment that every man fears most, is what is called, “The Muscle Move,” says relationship expert Dr. Laura Lovehandles. What is the Muscle Move?

It usually happens at the very early stages of a relationship, the two of you are casually dating and hooking up, having fun, and before you know it, you’re sitting at a bar or a restaurant and your female companion (who is not yet your girlfriend), starts giving you certain looks, starts giving you certain vibes, and the body language is undeniable in its meaning. i.e. the whole are you gonna shit or get off the pot, type of vibe. How long are we going to be casually hooking up? Are we going to be officially in a relationship or what?

And it is in this moment, facing the muscle move, that most men crumble and feel like a deer caught in headlights.

After having consulted hundreds of men in her counselling sessions, Dr. Laura thinks she has finally cracked the code. Not only do her male patients no longer dread the muscle move, they actually welcome it and look forward to the moment when it’s going to happen. So the next time you are faced with the muscle move, this is how you are supposed to handle it says Laura. The second that you feel that you are getting that, are you going to shit or get off the pot type of vibe, face it head on!

You: So, you want to be in relationship? You want to get serious?

Her: Well, don’t you?

You: Let’s talk about it, let’s rationally discuss it. Pretend you’re a lawyer, present me with a court case, on why you feel that being in a relationship with me, is the right move for your life.

Her: Well. I will feel more secure in that I know we are together and we are serious; that we’re not just fooling around. I will have someone I can depend on. I will have a provider, etc…

You: Great, do you see how you rationally approached the decision. So that in the future, if we come into problems in our relationship, you can look back at this very moment as a point of reference, that we got into a relationship not based on emotion, but you logically explained it to yourself that us getting into a relationship, was the right decision at that time.

Her: Yeah, you’re right!

(At this point she is super excited with a sense of accomplishment)

You: Okay, now let’s do the same exercise for me. Put together a court case for me on why me getting into a relationship with you, would be the right decision for my life?

(At this point she starts to list out bullet points that you immediately discredit as horse-shit, not because you’re a jerk, but because the points truly are pointless and ridiculous)

Her: You’ll have a close best friend.

You: I got enough friends in my life, as a matter of fact, I’m trying to lose friends on a daily basis. Every time I find myself waiting in line for something, I open up my phone contact list and start deleting contacts out of my life.

Her: We’ll have a lot more sex.

You: Are you really expecting me to fall for that old gag? Everybody knows that the sex drops by 80% once you’re in a committed relationship.

Her: You’ll have someone who you could always talk to.

You: I’m talking at work for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week and overtime on the weekends.  The last thing I want to do when I come home, is to open my mouth.

Her: We can move in and live together.

You: Doubling my food, electricity and water bills is not really a selling point.

(Sooner or later she gets to the point where there are no points left to be made)

You: You see what I’m trying to say. We’re not in a relationship because I have commitment issues. We’re not in a relationship because your life will stay the same or most likely get better, where-as my life is going to stay the same or most likely take a dip for the worst. What you are basically bringing to the table, is being an additional overhead expense for me mentally, emotionally and financially.  You pitched yourself as a liability rather than an asset.

Now many will say that this exercise is excessively cruel says Dr, Laura Lovehandles. And she 100% agrees that it is indeed cruel. But which is more cruel?  What's the alternative? 

Her being heartbroken and crying for 2 days or let her take advantage of your chivalry and muscle you into a relationship that you didn’t want to be in and you end up being miserable for the next 6 months?

The reason Laura says 6 months, based on her clinical research, that is usually the exact amount of time needed before a man goes, “Dude, you know what? I’m fed up with you. Get the f#%k out of my life!”