Renown Psychologist Provides Prenup Template To Ensure Couples Happiness

The Love Contract Agreement

By entering into this contractual agreement both parties acknowledge that they will faithfully and willingly abide by the ten points laid out below. Failure to adhere to one or more of these points by either party will result in the relationship being deemed null and void.

1. Separate sleeping arrangements! Each party is entitled to sleeping in their own bed either in the same bedroom but preferably in separate bedrooms if the financial situation allows it. Doing so automatically eliminates a number of stereotypical fights that all couples get into i.e. “You’re hogging the blankets, you snore during your sleep, don’t fart in bed, you came into bed late and woke me up, you got out of bed too early and woke me up, you roll around while sleeping, I want that side of the bed so I can watch the TV, etc…”

2. Separate bathrooms! Each party is entitled to having their own bathroom. A man’s bathroom is very simple, it has like 7 items all grouped together: a tooth brush, tooth paste, deodorant, razor, shaving cream and cologne. Waking up in the morning and walking into a bathroom shared with a woman that has salts and creams and tampons and hygiene stuff all over the place raises stress levels i.e. “The day hasn’t even started yet and I’m already pissed.”

3. When travelling for leisure or business, each party is entitled to having their own separate hotel room. i.e. “We’re going to be spending the whole day together anyways. So I have to spend all of outdoor time with you and indoor time also? Pick one or the other but you are not having both.”

4. No obligatory special occasions gift giving i.e. birthdays, Christmas, Valentines day, New Years, etc… The fact that greedy corporations decided to market and monetize holidays and special occasions should not be my financial burden.

5. No means No! Neither party can force the other party to do something they genuinely do not want to do. i.e. “If I say I don’t want to go to the mall with you to carry your purse and shopping bags around while you go from store to store like a chicken with its head cut off, I’m not doing it. If I say I don’t want to go see your family over the weekend, I’m not doing it. If I say I don’t want to have brunch with your dumb girlfriends on a Sunday morning when I can be sleeping in, I’m not doing it.”

6. Gender roles have to be stated from the get-go of the relationship. If the female partner wants to be a traditional spouse, the male partner must make it clear they are capable of providing for a two person or more household. If the female partner wants to be a “Feminist independent woman,” the male partner is not obligated to be a provider, all bills will be split 50/50, car doors will not be opened and male chivalry gestures of any sort are out of the question.

7. Digital communication tools may not be abused. Any call or text message has to fall into the Wh category i.e. Who, what, where, when, why and how. Once the information has been received, the conversation is over. Three hour conversations about nothing or excessive text messages during the work day will not be acceptable.

8. Each partner is entitled up to 20 relationship vacation days annually no questions asked i.e. “I’m tired of looking at you, I’m going away for a few days.”

9. Each party must provide a two week notice for a relationship break up, i.e. to give the other partner sufficient time to pack their shit, find a new place, change their address for important services, etc…

10. Each party must state their sexual fetishes from the get-go, i.e. “If I’m into furries, put on that Teletubbies outfit. If I’m into role play, put on that naughty school teacher or naughty nurse outfit.” Doing so will avoid those awkward future moments when either partner’s internet search history is “accidentally” stumbled upon.

    
    

Partner One                                                                          Partner Two

Date: ___________________                                                  Date: ___________________

Signature: _______________                                                 Signature: _______________

For additional reference Dr. Sigmund Fraud also recommends that couples review the Love Contract and the Love Confidentiality Agreement to really tighten and secure their relationships.