Cultural Expert Explains Dubai Porta Potty Phenomenon

Very rarely does Artie Facts, University of Abu Dhabi cultural professor, read blogs, but when he does, his favourite genre is blog posts written by instagram models. To qualify what he means by, “instagram models,” he means very beautiful women who are on instagram, and live in an alternate reality where they believe they are actual models. In addition to that fantasy, they get solicited sexual offers from all over the world, but mainly from the rich Middle Eastern countries, and they get flown out there to perform some of the most X rated sexual acts one can think of. Artie of course is referring to the Dubai Porta Potty phenomenon.

And as you read their blog posts there is a common recurring theme or question by these women, “Why do these rich and powerful men, live such miserable lives with miserable wives? Why don’t they just kick their wives to the curb and live out their “Truth?”

Don’t get me wrong, these rich and powerful men would love to kick their wives to the curb and live out their “Truth,” says Artie, but just as they are about to do so, they remember a very specific detail about their marriage.

In the Middle East according to their culture, religion and traditions, it is impossible to get married without a prenuptial agreement; every marriage without exception must come with a prenuptial agreement. Now many men hearing this are probably saying to themselves, “What? I’m converting to Islam today!” Hold your horses, it’s not that easy.

When an Islamic marriage is being officiated, it’s not just the groom, the bride and the religious authority officiating the marriage, but also whomever the groom and bride invited, most often her entire side of the family. And during the process, a question is posed by the religious authority conducting the wedding ceremony, “Dear groom, in the case that it turns out that you ain’t shit, what are you prepared to give your wife during the divorce?”

What are you to do in this situation? Low-ball your future wife during the wedding ceremony in-front of her entire family? They’ll be bad mouthing you from day one.

So what usually happens in this moment, especially with the feeling of “Love” in the air, the groom starts to yell out ridiculous sums of money and assets that they number one, probably don’t have, and number two, most likely will never attain. And this act of extreme chivalry is done exclusively for showboating in-front of the bride’s family on how much the groom loves her.

So while these rich and powerful men would love to kick their wives to the curb, but just when they are about to do so, they pull up their marriage contract one last time just to double-check what they promised during the wedding and say to themselves, “I promised her what? I promised her how much? Oh screw that!”

If the choice is between being rich and miserable or free but poor, rich and miserable always wins. It’s a lot more comfortable to cry on a private jet than it is on public transportation, says Artie Facts.