Famous Pimp Reveals Appraisal Guide For Men To Categorise Themselves

All men in this world regardless of where they come from fall into 1 of 5 categories in the social hierarchy of dude-ness, says famous Pimp Don Juan Dollabill. Starting from the top you got your Pimps, followed by Playas, then Squares, under them you have Simps and finally you got your Marks.

A note worth mentioning, Don Juan is not sure why or when, it came to be that calling someone a Square has a negative connotation attached to it, in his point of view it’s neither positive nor negative, but simply neutral. He would say the overwhelming majority of men on this planet are Squares i.e. they go to work, hold down a job, come home to see the wife and kids and then repeat the cycle the next day until they can afford that retirement home in Florida. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a Square.

However, in the midst of constant male macho posturing and trying to one-up one another, there is constant bickering between the bros on who the real “Pimp” of the group is and a straight shooter with the ladies.

Dudes are fascinated with the possibility of being labeled as or referred to as a “Pimp.” Almost every dude at some point in their life has self complimented themselves as being a pimp.

The next time you have a friend showing off about being a pimp or a player and it’s getting on your nerves, just give him the pimp test and watch the deer caught in headlight moment on his face; it’ll make your day!

Please note that when conducting the “Pimp Test,” its results are absolutely 100% accurate and cannot be disputed!

In order to conduct the “Pimp Test,” please propose the following hypothetical scenario to the subject on which you are conducting the Pimp Test:

What choice do you think 95% of the male heterosexual population would make?  The genius behind the pimp test, is that even if your subject tries to lie, you knowing their history, character and personality, you would immediately know that they’re lying.

Because any real Pimp will tell you that this hypothetical scenario is a no brainer. As a matter of fact, a real Pimp will tell you that after their encounter with this specific genie has been completed, they will be now known by their new alias as “The ATM Rapist.”

While most men are busy looking at Play Boy and Hustler magazines, a true pimp is checking out the latest merchandise release from General Electric.

Man do you see how many holes this year’s ATM model comes with? It has a slot for debit cards, credit cards, cheques, coins and crypto flash drives! Oh man, oh man; I’m going to fuck the shit out of this ATM machine!  Every on the scene correspondent of every major city will be reporting the same news story.

“Hey Bob, Chuck here reporting live from the scene of the crime, it seems that The ATM Rapist has struck again. Every ATM machine within a 13 mile radius is covered with his gooey DNA.

And to do this at the end of the month Bob, when people need to withdraw their savings in order to cover their upcoming monthly rents and expenses, oh the inhumanity of The ATM Rapist! Back to you in the studio Bob.”

The other group of bitch-ass-niggaz that Don Juan Dollabill would like to address, is this category of men that claim they would never sleep with this type or that type of woman because it's not their preference.  And they say it with such pride, as if they are adhering to some kind of standard. 

Famous comedian Aires Spears had a funny bit about a slur or insult that old school Italian Americans used to use, "Half a fag."

Now Don Juan Dollabill has his own definition for what a "Half a fag" is.  According to him, if you racism or bigotry is so engrained that you would sexually discriminate against a woman because of her skin colour or her ethnic background, you might not be a full-blown fag, but you are definitely half-a-fag.  The only acceptable reason to ever sexually discriminate against a woman, is if she is ugly.  That is it!

But it doesn't stop there says Don Juan.  Half-a-fag syndrome is very dangerous he says.  Similar to the social hierarchy of men mentioned earlier, there is also the sexual hierarchy of men. You have straight men, Half a Fags, bicurious men, bisexual men and gay men.  So if you are a proud half-a-fag, you are technically one step away from potentially thinking about dick!