Doctor Claims Kanye West is Mentally Retarded

With Kanye West's recent scandals and outbursts, we spoke with Stanford University professor of social sciences and psychology, Albert Bandushbag.  He has outlined seven key points which lead him to conclude that Kanye suffers from mental retardation. 

1) Kanye West claims to stand up for the black community and to have their best interests at heart; Albert has his doubts though.

Of the many criticisms that Michael Jordan (also known as MJ) has received, one of them was the irresponsible pricing of his shoes, the Air Jordans. Due to being released in limited quantities and their expensive price, and the shoes’ popularity amongst African American males, it has led to many robberies both of people and stores in order to get your hands on a pair of these coveted shoes.

So if Kanye West indeed does care about the African American community, is that why he’s selling $600 to $1,500 dollar shoes?

Kanye West claims to be a lyricist, if that’s the case Albert recommends that he add the word “Hypocrite” to his vocabulary. Not only are his shoes ridiculously overpriced, they even look ridiculous. Albert wouldn’t put on a pair even if he was paid to.

2) Kanye West claims to be a musical genius; however is it true? That is not a rhetorical question, Albert means that literally. He has zero idea if Kanye West is a musical genius.

Albert has listened to every musical genre known to man with his favourite being Hip Hop and Rap. Whether it’s your Dr. Dre & Eazy E on the west coast or your Jay Z and Nas on the east coast or your Big Tymers and Lil Wayne in the deep south, he listens to it all.

And if after all these years he doesn't listen to nor know a single Kanye West song, that leads him to conclude that Kanye's music is probably dog-shit.

3) However he does believe that Kanye West is a genius on some level. He figured out what Albert had thought was absolutely impossible. If you were to ask Albert at any point in time before the year 2022 the following question, “Hey, do you think it’s possible to make antisemitism hilarious?”

Albert would’ve responded with, “Get the f#$k out of here! You would be rolling out the podium and making a public statement and apology before the joke had even been written.”

But this guy somehow pulled it off. Albert has watched the clip of Kanye's appearance on the Alex Jones show like 17,000 times and it’s still as funny every time.

Rough transcript -

Kanye West: Alex I’m telling you, I love Nazis!

Alex Jones: Kanye, you know with all the technology that we have today, people can edit what you say and take it out of context and make you look like you said something or meant something that you actually didn’t say, so it probably would be wise for you to rephrase your statement.

Kanye West: No Alex, I’m being serious. I don’t understand why you are having a hard time processing this, I really love Nazis!

Many people already know who Alex Jones is, but for those who do not, Alex Jones is a guy who preaches that the federal government is on purpose turning the frogs gay.

Do you understand how batshit crazy you have to be, where you are sitting next to Alex Jones, and Alex is the reasonable person?

4) Kanye West gained notoriety after his outburst on MTV claiming George Bush

doesn’t care about black people, because of the federal government’s slow  response to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina.  

Albert claims he was not surprised at all by that statement.

Here is a transcript of two people who know a thing or two about a thing or two, discussing Kanye West’s MTV outburst.

Person 1: Dude! Did you hear how Kanye blasted the president on MTV saying he doesn’t care about black people?

Person 2: Yea, and what’s shocking about it?

Person 1: Well, he’s talking about the president!

Person 2: Hold on, maybe I’m missing the obvious or the elephant in the room, let’s break down the situation. We’re not talking about Reggie Bush or Michael Bush or John Bush but George W. Bush, aka the president of the United States?

Person 1: Correct!

Person 2: George W. Bush who is the son of the previous US president, George H. W. Bush?

Person 1: Correct!

Person 2: US president George H. W. Bush who was the director of the CIA at one point?

Person 1: Correct!

Person 2: By the CIA, I mean the organisation that was responsible for smuggling a f#$k-load of cocaine, inventing crack cocaine, and spreading it in the black community, that CIA?

Person 1: Correct!

Person 2: So you mean to tell me that there is a family that has a 30 year documented track record of not passively, but actively, not giving a f#$k about black people, and Kanye West just found out about this in 2005?

Man that guy is slow!

5) Kanye West’s debut album was called “The College Dropout.” For some reason Albert is not surprised. As a matter of fact he wonders if Kanye West even knows what a college is. Let's give him the cliff notes.

First of all, college is a real place, you can actually visit it, kind of like Disney Land. And on a college, there are these things called campuses. And on those campuses are these things called buildings. And inside those buildings are these things called books, which are collections of papers with words on them stuck together behind two hardback covers.

And had Mr. West actually gone to college instead of dropping out and picked up a book, then he would have known 10 years before Hurricane Katrina ever happened, that yes, Bush doesn’t care about black people.

6) Albert says that he is personally waiting for the day that someone releases a memoir of president Bush’s reaction to the moment when he found out about Kanye’s MTV outburst.

He was probably shocked and for the wrong reasons.

Jeb Bush: George, can you believe what this Kanye West said about you on television?

George Bush: Absolutely unbelievable! Mr. West is insinuating that I at some point, ever made it evident that I care about black people! This Kanye West is ruining my reputation. Jeb, you’re my brother, you’ve known me my entire life! I wouldn’t kiss a black baby even if my re-election depended on it. Call daddy and get the CIA to plant some crack cocaine on him and we’ll call him a crack head who lost his mind. Heck, that trick worked on Whitney Houston and Bobby.

7) After years of marriage, Kanye West has had a very public and ugly divorce with TV personality Kim Kardashian, and has asked the public to side and sympathise with him. Personally, I’m not buying it says Albert.

Years before Kanye’s “Entanglement” with the Kardashian clan, they were already known as the modern day Adams Family.

The patriarch of the family, Bruce Jenner, decided to cut off his genitals, put on some high heels and a skirt and call himself Caitlyn. You have kids running around that house whose mommy is somehow their aunty and their daddy is also somehow their uncle.

All the females of the clan, have an unexplainable appetite for black men (all of which end up being wrecked by the way), except for that racist one, Kourtney. Nobody can reasonably articulate or explain why this family is famous in the first place.

And Kanye West as a grown adult looked at this whole mess of a situation and said to himself, “This relationship seems to be built on a solid foundation, this relationship is for the long haul.”

Man everybody and their momma knew how that relationship was going to end from day one.

At some point, every man or woman have to start taking some kind of personal accountability for the misfortunes that befall them.

Kanye West knowingly married into a family of black widows and is surprised he got chewed up and spit out. It’s like, do you not know what a black widow is and what a black widow does?